Letting Go
by Hinode
Summary: Someone's death brings Relena and Heero together...at least, it will in the second part. This is just the death perky, ne? . My first post on
1. Default Chapter Title

Disclaimer:I don't own Gundam Wing.It belongs to Sunrise, Sotsu, Bandai, the Ocean Group, and lots of other powerful, intimidating companies.Just thought I'd clear that up, since, you know, it's _so_ possible that I really own them. 

Author's Notes:Well, I did it.I finally published my first fan fiction story.Now, the question is whether or not I'll be publishing more.If you guys like this, then expect more to come.If all I get are flames, then I'll gracefully remove myself from the art of writing using other people's characters.Hopefully, you'll want me to write more.  
_Side-note_:I don't know what Pagan's last name is.I don't think they ever mentioned it in the dub (*sigh*, that's the only version I've seem…at least it was the unedited version, though), so I made one up.I've never seen _Endless Waltz_ (double sigh), but I know what happens in it.For the sake of this story, the pilots and Relena are all between 18 and 19 years old, and Milliardo and Noin are 23.Also, this is a Heero Yuy-Relena Peacecraft fic.If they disgust you together, I'm warning you now not to continue ahead.If you just want to read some (marginally) decent writing …Onwards! 

~*~*~*~*~ 

Letting Go  
Part 1 

The smell was beginning to drive her crazy.

It was that too-clean, antiseptic smell so unique to hospitals. The subtle scent of cleansing alcohol had been invading her senses for the past hour, and it was beginning to drive her crazy. 

She continued to pace.That had been keeping her busy since they had gotten there.She just couldn't sit still, not when she didn't know anything.She didn't know how he was, what exactly had happened, if he was even still alive… 

"Why isn't anyone telling us what's happening!" 

A man with long, pale blond hair stood up and placed a hand on her shoulder to keep her from pacing."Relena," her brother, Milliardo Peacecraft, said gently."Please try to calm down.Worrying yourself sick isn't going to help anything." 

Relena Darlian snapped her head upwards to face her older brother, her normally calm blue eyes ablaze with a mixture of anger and worry."How can I calm down?No one's telling us anything!"Her outburst was met with a few glares from the various passing members of the hospital staff.She sighed, and brought her hands up to cover her face."I'm sorry, Milliardo, but you have to understand what this is like for me…" 

A woman with short, dark purple hair that covered one eye walked over to Milliardo's side.Lucrezia Noin-Peacecraft gave a sympathetic smile to her sister-in-law."I know, Relena.We all care about him." 

Sighing again, Relena shrugged out of her brother's grasp and resumed pacing the corridor.She knew that Milliardo and Noin meant well, but she was simply too worried at the moment to listen to any rational thought.As her pacing brought her back to the sitting area, her eyes fell on the last member of their group.Relena slowed down, and looked over at the young man sitting in a chair, apparently lost in thought."Quatre?" she asked gently. 

Quatre Raberba Winner whipped his light blond head around to look at Relena."Yes?Sorry, I was kind of out of it."He offered a gentle smile, knowing what this must be like for her. 

Relena sat down beside her friend."I just wanted to thank you for coming.I really didn't mean to make you leave the charity ball."She closed her eyes and leaned forward, resting her head in her hands. 

Smiling again, Quatre placed his arm around Relena's shoulders and pulled her into a comforting hug."Don't mention it, Relena. I'd never think of leaving you alone at a time like this.Besides," he added quieter, "he means a lot to me, too." 

She turned her head and rested it on Quatre's shoulder."Thank you," she whispered."I needed to hear that.I just keep feeling like I'm the only one that's really worried." 

Quatre shook his head."Relena," he said, "we're all worried.I can understand, though, how you'd probably be the most worried out of anyone here…" 

That caused Relena's head to pick up."Oh, God, I completely forgot!Did anyone call to let the Preventers know where we are?" 

Milliardo and Noin heard this, and walked over from where they had been talking privately."Don't worry, Relena," Milliardo told her."I called and told Sally where we were.She said that she'd come over to see if she could help.And," his voice took on a tone that sounded slightly like annoyance, "she said that Heero was insisting on coming over." 

Relena's ears picked up at the mention of Heero Yuy's name, momentarily making her forget her current problems. 

Heero had joined the Preventers six months after he disappeared following the battle with Dechim Barton.Relena had been ecstatic to see him, and, upon learning that he had been placed in charge of her security unit, had thought that there would finally be a chance for them.But, much to her dismay, there relationship stayed strictly professional.Now, almost nine months after Heero had come back into Relena's life, she was in danger of losing someone equally important. 

"Relena?" Quatre asked worriedly, noticing a slightly glazed look in his friend's eyes."Are you all right?" 

"What?"She picked her head up, and looked at Quatre."Oh, sorry, I guess my mind drifted.All this stress is getting to me."Relena stood up, and was about to resume her pacing, when she felt two strong arms encircle her."Quatre?" she asked, confused. 

"Please don't worry about everything so much, Relena," Quatre said quietly, turning Relena to look into her eyes."You can't let all of your emotions come at you at once.Please, talk to me, since it's obvious that you won't talk to Zechs." 

Relena averted her eyes from Quatre's penetrating gaze."I'm sorry, it's just…it's just…"Her voice trailed off, unsure if she wanted to continue. 

"Go on," Quatre encouraged her. 

"It's just, why does every man I love end up leaving me?"Relena felt tears coming to her eyes as she voiced what had been a deep concern of hers for years. 

Quatre looked slightly confused."What do you mean?" 

Relena looked up into her friend's sea-green eyes."I don't remember King Peacecraft," she explained quietly, "but I'm sure I must have loved him.Then my adoptive father died, then my adoptive grandfather, Marquis Wayridge."Silent tears began to roll down Relena's cheeks, despite her efforts to remain calm."Heero always left me, and even though he's _here_ now, he doesn't see me as anything more than his job.Even Milliardo nearly left; it was close to a year after Libra exploded before he returned.And now…and now…" she stopped speaking, burying her head in her hands and sobbing."I don't know what I'll do if he dies, Quatre!" 

He pulled her close, gently stroking her honey-brown hair."Shh, shh.It'll all work out, Relena.He's strong, and he's lived through bad times before." 

"But I don't even know how badly he's hurt!And he's so old…" 

Before Quatre could respond, a doctor walked out from behind the large double doors that separated the waiting room from the emergency room.He noticed the group of well-dressed young people, and knew that they were who he was looking for."Are you here about Pagan LaQuolle?" he asked them as he walked over. 

Relena's head shot up."Yes!How is he?Where is he?Is he dead?What's happening to him?" she shouted hysterically at the doctor. 

The doctor, whose hospital ID tags showed to be named Dr Alphonse, shook his head slightly."I'm sorry, Miss Darlian.He's not doing too well.Mr LaQuolle suffered from a massive heart attack.We've got him stabilized for now, but it's really just a matter of time before his heart gives out again.I'm sorry." 

"Oh God," Relena choked out, before sinking to her knees.Milliardo immediately wrapped his arms protectively around his little sister, although she appeared to not notice them at all.Her face was buried in her hands again as she let out heart-wrenching cries. 

Noin looked from her husband to Relena, then turned her gaze to the doctor."Can we go in and see him?" she asked softly, not wanting to get Relena's hopes up. 

Dr Alphonse nodded."Yes, but he's unconscious right now.There are absolutely no guarantees that he'll wake up before he dies, however." 

Milliardo nodded, then helped Relena stand, since she didn't seem inclined to do so on her own."Come on, Relena.Pagan's not gone yet.Don't lose hope so easily."He was trying to keep his tone cheerful, so as not to hurt Relena further, but he knew that what the doctor had told them was the truth.Milliardo kept one arm around Relena, and slipped his other hand into Noin's as they followed the doctor into the Emergency Room.Before he walked through, Milliardo turned around and looked at Quatre."Could you stay here until Sally and Heero arrive?" he asked.He smiled slightly when Quatre nodded."Thank you."Milliardo turned back and walked through the doors. 

~*~*~*~*~ 

Dr Alphonse led them to room A14."This is his room.You can all go in, but if he should wake up, please try to keep him as calm as possible."He opened the door, and turned to walk away."If anything should happen, have one of the nurses get me."With that, he was off. 

"Uncaring bastard," Relena muttered. 

"Relena!" Milliardo admonished, shocked at her use of language.Seeing that she was about to cry again, he added in a softer tone, "let's go see him, okay?" 

Relena nodded, and walked into the doorway, followed by Milliardo.Noin stayed just outside, reasoning "in case they come, they'll know where we are."Silently thanking his wife, Milliardo followed his sister into the hospital room. 

What they saw when they entered nearly broke their hearts."Oh, God!Pagan!"In a flash, Relena was by her butler's bedside, grasping one of his wrinkled hands and sobbing into the blanket. 

He looked dead.The only thing telling the two Peacecraft's otherwise was the steady beep of the heart monitor.Pagan had tubes coming in his arms delivering medicine that was keeping his heart pumping.There was an oxygen mask over his face, helping him to breathe.What caught Milliardo's attention the most, however, was the clipboard of medical information sitting in the basket at the foot of the bed.Written in big red letters across the top sheet were the words "DO NOT RESSUCITATE".Milliardo swallowed hard, knowing that Relena would probably not react too well to that once the inevitable finally did happen. 

"Pagan?"Milliardo was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard Relena's soft voice."Pagan?" she said again softly, as if scared to wake him. 

Nothing. 

Relena's heart sank as she wondered if he would just stay unconscious, and die in his sleep.Her tears came again at this thought.She would never get to tell him how much he meant to her, or to thank him for being with her for her entire life.She lowered her head to the blankets and sobbed, worried that she would never even get to say goodbye. 

"Oh Pagan, please don't die." 

Milliardo walked over to Relena.He placed one hand on her shaking shoulder, and the other covering Pagan's other hand."Relena…"He was unsure if he should tell her about the DNR order. 

Relena looked up to respond, not seeing very clearly through her tears.Her attention was diverted, however, by a moan from the bed. 

Relena's head shot around to look at Pagan, who moaned again and moved slightly."Pagan?" she said quietly, hopefully. 

Pagan's face contorted slightly, then relaxed as he slowly opened his eyes.He looked unsure of what was going on for a moment, then uttered in a hoarse voice "Miss Relena?" 

The young woman's face lit up.He was alive!He was awake!"Pagan!" she cried happily, grasping his hand tighter and leaning over to hug him gently."You're alive, you're alive!" she kept repeating. 

Tired eyes drifted upwards towards the young man standing over Relena's shoulder."Mr Milliardo," he wheezed. 

"Pagan," he murmured, looking upon the man he remembered from his childhood in the Cinq Kingdom.He looked so different from the man of his youth, when he had helped to raise the royal children.Milliardo could still clearly recall the times before the kingdom's collapse, and he fondly remembered Pagan, the man who taught him everything from riding to fencing.Pagan had been the Peacecraft's most trusted servant, which was why Milliardo had asked him to go with Relena and the Darlian's, rather than stay with the prince."Pagan, how are you feeling?"Milliardo didn't need to ask the question, nor did he need to hear the answer.He could see the answer written all over the old man's face: Pagan was dying, and knew that there wasn't much time left. 

"I'm fine, Mr Milliardo, Miss Relena.Please don't worry about me."He tried to laugh a bit, but that only sent him into a coughing spasm, which set his heart monitor off. 

Relena gasped and looked frantically from the monitor to her brother."Milliardo, what's happening?!" 

Pagan tried desperately to catch his breath, clutching unconsciously at his chest.He felt a subtle tightness there, and he knew that his time was running out. 

"Miss Relena," he said, catching his breath."I just wanted to thank you." 

She looked in confusion at her dear friend."Thank me?For what?" 

The old man smiled slightly."For allowing me to watch you grow up.You've become so much like your mother…"His voice trailed off as he closed his eyes again. 

"Pagan?Pagan!Please don't die!"Relena grew frantic as she heard the heart monitor begin to slow down slightly."Please!You're one of the only people I have left!Please!"She began sobbing again.Gripping his hand tighter, she forced herself to speak."If anyone should be thanking somebody, I should be thanking you.You've always been like a grandfather to me, and for that I owe you everything that I've become.You were always here for me.I'm not ready to say goodbye yet!"She silently pleaded for Pagan to open his eyes again."Pagan!" 

He did."Miss Relena, I've never been more honored.I couldn't have been more proud of you if you had been my real granddaughter."He started to close his eyes again, feeling his breath coming in shallower, but he forced himself to stay awake as Relena talked again. 

"Oh, God, Pagan!You've always taken care of me!I don't know what to do now!Please!LIVE!"Relena was hysterical now. 

Pagan glanced with an unsteady gaze out of the door.He saw Noin looking in sadly as Quatre, Sally, and Heero joined her in the entrance.He watched as Heero's gaze fell on him for a moment, before softening slightly at the sight of Relena sobbing.He smiled, knowing that Relena would be all right."Alright then.Miss Relena," he looked at the now-young woman he had helped to raise. "please don't worry. You'll be taken care of.I know that now."He felt his chest becoming tighter again."Mr Milliardo, I was so glad that I got to see you and Miss Relena grow up.Your parents would be proud."With that, Pagan closed his eyes and breathed his last breath. 

"Pagan?" Relena asked uncertainly, her eyes watering. 

_Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee— _

"Pagan?!" she called a little more urgently. 

_--eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee— _

Two nurses and Dr Alphonse came rushing in at the sound of the flatline. 

_--eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee— _

"Do something!He's dying!" Relena screamed at the doctors."Please!" 

Dr Alphonse shook his head."We can't.We found his file after we saved him the first time.It seems Mr LaQuolle had signed a Do Not Resuscitate order.There's nothing we can do.I'm sorry."Dr Alphonse leaned over and turned off the heart monitor."Time of death, 22:36."He and the nurses left silently to allow Relena and Milliardo to say goodbye. 

Relena stared blankly at Pagan."No," she whispered.Her body began to shudder involuntarily."No," she said a little louder. 

Milliardo gently took Relena's arm and began to lead her away from the bed.Realization finally struck her as she looked at the unmoving body on the hospital bed."_NOOOOOOOO_!"Relena twisted out of Milliardo's arms and flung herself back on top of the bed."_NOOOOOOOO_!" 

Outside, Sally Po, Quatre, and Heero watched as the Vice Foreign Minister seemed to completely break down.Sally stood silently, knowing what it felt like to lose someone close to her.Quatre understood too, allowing a few stray tears to fall down his cheeks.He had always liked Pagan, and he always knew how close a relationship he and Relena had had.Only Heero seemed unaffected, looking upon the scene taking place inside the hospital room with his characteristic lack of emotion.Heero turned to Quatre, who was now only looking on in sympathy for his friend. 

"I don't get it," Heero said coolly."People die.Why is she so upset?" 

Quatre looked at his fellow pilot as if he were from another planet."Heero, you know how close they were.Pagan has been with Miss Relena since she was born.It's only natural that she'd be upset.Besides," he added, almost slyly, "you know you wish that it was you comforting her."Quatre studied his friend's face for any noticeable reaction. 

Heero only made a small 'hn' sound before speaking."Unless this is going to interfere with Relena's safety, it's of no concern to me." 

"Then why did you come with me here?" Sally asked, looking over at her fellow Preventer. 

Heero shrugged."With Milliardo, Noin, and Quatre all pre-occupied here, Relena wouldn't have been guarded."Heero's eyes betrayed his words, however, and Quatre saw the flash of emotion that softened his gaze as he looked in on the weeping princess. 

Noin came in quietly and wrapped her arms around Milliardo."I'm sorry," she whispered. 

Milliardo stared blankly at his sister and his former caregiver, not hearing his wife.Shaking his head to clear it, he turned to Noin, a sad smile playing on his lips."Noin, could you take Relena outside?I think that she needs some time to cool down, and I just want to say goodbye."Even though they had been married for almost two years, he still used her maiden name as a term of affection. 

Noin smiled, understanding what her husband was saying."Of course.Quatre and Sally can probably calm her down."She leaned in and gave Milliardo a soft kiss on his cheek."I'm so sorry," she said again, as she reached out to take Relena's arm and lead her out of the room. 

"Pagan," Relena sobbed quietly as she allowed herself to be led away.She wasn't really paying attention to her surroundings, and she completely ignored the look of sorrow that came over Heero's face as she and Noin walked passed him. 

Milliardo watched his little sister and wife leave, before turning back to see Pagan one last time."Thank you, old friend," he said softly.The fallen prince grasped one of the cooling hands of his former servant and protector."You took care of her well.Relena's frown up wonderfully.I'm glad that you got to see it.I only wish that our parents could have been there."Milliardo released Pagan's hand, and turned to walk away and let the doctors do their job.He paused at the doorway, and turned to get one last look."And you're right.She will always be protected."He walked through the door, out to the waiting room where the others were._Goodbye_. 

~*~*~*~*~  
~*~*~*~*~ 

So, what'd you think?This is part one, part two will be up whenever I finish writing it.Send me feedback, please?Preferably constructive criticism, but I'll take what I can get.Ja mata ashita, minna-san!


	2. Default Chapter Title

Doumo arigato gozaimasu, minna! I never expected to get so many positive reviews! Sorry that this is so late, but school started last week (senior year, woo hoo!), and then I somehow managed to get bronchitis, so I've been absent for four days. This is the first time that I've been able to drag myself out of bed to get to the computer, and I wanted to get this story finished, so... since you seem to want me to keep writing, here's the last part to "Letting Go".

Author's Notes: Okay, this part is _entirely_ HYxRP, so if you don't like them, leave. It didn't turn out _quite_ how I'd planned, but oh well. C'est la vie, ne?... Gee, two languages in one sentence, neither of them my native tongue. Anyway, this is kinda long, and there's no real romance until the end, but give it a chance, okay? Okay

Disclaimer: I don't own them. I never have, and I never will. My only chance is to have the real owner die and leave me _Gundam Wing_ in his will. Since that's not going to happen, it's safe to assume that these aren't my characters. 

~*~*~*~*~

Letting Go Part 2

Heero stood at the gate of the cemetery, his usual frown plastered on his face. He had been coming there everyday for the passed two weeks in order to keep an eye on his wayward security charge. He leaned against the rusty iron that stood guard over the Peacecraft Monarchy Burial Grounds, unnoticed by the young blond woman who kneeled by a grave about a hundred yards away, sobs wracking her body.

Sighing, Heero shifted positions so that he was leaning on his other foot. Relena had been leaving her office in the middle of the day ever since Pagan's funeral nearly two weeks earlier. She never told anybody where she was going, she just up and left. The first time she had done that, she had nearly given her brother a coronary, making him crazy with worry. Heero had tailed her, unseen, and found himself at the graveyard. Even if he wasn't entirely sure that he understood what she was feeling, Heero knew that she needed to be left alone. At least, he had felt that way for the first week or so. Now, he was beginning to think that she was absolutely insane for still grieving.

He sighed again. He was halfway across the cemetery and he could hear her crying. Heero was certain that no normal person could cry like this for so long over anybody. At least, that was what he had been continuously telling himself for the passed fourteen days. It was high time, he decided, that he find out exactly why she insisted on this extended period of mourning.

Heero pushed open the gate, making it's ancient hinges squeak. Across the graveyard, Relena heard the sound. She turned to face Heero momentarily. He was too far away to see her face clearly, but he was fairly sure from the way the sunlight was hitting her face that it was stained with tears. Relena stared at Heero, or at least in his general direction, he wasn't sure, before turning and resuming her vigil over the headstone.

Now Heero _knew_ that something was wrong. Relena had _never_, in all of the events they'd been through together, noticed him and not said or done anything. Making his way carefully over the graves of Relena's and Milliardo's ancestors, Heero prepared himself for what he was certain would be a very emotional Foreign Minister.

He reached Relena, and stood behind her. He knew that she was aware of his presence, for she had tensed up slightly when he got near to her. It was a very slight response, but Heero had seen it. He waited to see if Relena would say anything. She didn't. Heero found that to be rather odd behavior for her, even in this heightened emotional state. What he found even odder, however, was that he found himself saddened and slightly worried that she hadn't said anything to him. He missed hearing her voice.

_Chotto matte! Where did that come from? I missed her voice?..._ Heero pulled himself out of his thoughts, and forced himself to focus on the task at hand. Analyzing why he missed such an obscure part of Relena could wait for later. "Relena." He said it, rather than ask for her attention.

Relena remained still, although she was still facing Pagan's gravestone. "Yes, Heero?" She tried to keep her voice neutral, but the days of crying had taken their toll on it, and her words came out sounding faintly scratchy.

"You've been coming here everyday for the passed two weeks. You've been neglecting your duties as Vice foreign Minister, and you have everyone in the UN Congress and the Preventers worried sick with your sudden disappearances." Heero's voice sounded the way Relena wished hers was: cool and completely devoid of feeling. "You're either going to tell me what's wrong, or you're going to let me take you back to your office to continue working." He paused and waited for her response.

Still not facing him, Relena replied "You couldn't possibly understand how I feel, Heero. But I'm not letting you take me back."

A scowl crossed Heero's face, even though Relena couldn't see it. "If you want to stay here, then you need to talk to me." Heero surprised himself yet again by realizing that a part of him _wanted_ Relena to talk to him. He also found himself wishing that he had time to go over these new discoveries.

"I can't do that, since it goes back to that 'you wouldn't understand' thing." Relena, in an attempt to keep her voice under control, ended up putting more venom into her statement than she had meant to. As much as she would have loved to fall into Heero's arms and tell him everything on her troubled mind, she knew that he could never understand why she had been so distraught over Pagan's death.

Her statement hit Heero a little hard. His scowl deepened, but he found himself kneeling onto the freshly-packed earth beside her. He was about to respond, but he caught his words when he heard her sobbing again. Heero's frown quickly disappeared, as did his growing anger. He had always hated it when she cried. In spite of himself, Heero found himself thinking that her face was too lovely to be smeared with tears. _Lovely?_ he thought. _Well, I guess this explains a lot... _Unsure of what to do with his newfound insight, _I guess I have emotions after all,_ he thought wryly, Heero decided to try and get Relena to talk to him. Maybe it would help her. He placed a hand gently on her shaking shoulder, and said "What makes you think that I wouldn't understand?" He hoped that this approach would work.

"Because you delight in death!" The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. It didn't matter now. She was slightly afraid, but she turned herself to face Heero, and braced herself to accept whatever way he responded. If he responded at all.

Heero's face flushed with anger. Was this what she thought of him?! Even if he had never said anything, he had always felt that Relena could see beyond his mask of a soldier. Apparently, he had been wrong. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, his voice low.

Relena's face crumpled at the sight of Heero's angry expression. She felt a fresh set of tears coming involuntarily, as she tried desperately to make amends with one of the few things that were good in her life. "Heero, I-I'm sorry...I didn't...I didn't mean..." Before she could finish, her voice was caught by her tears.

His anger was completely washed away by the actual sight of her crying. He realized that he had never actually _seen_ Relena cry before. She had always been so strong. "Relena," he said, trying to calm her down. 

Her tears continued to fall. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she kept repeating between her sobs. She had never meant for that to come out. She had never intended to tell him the reason that she wouldn't discuss Pagan's death with him.

"Relena," he shushed her. He could feel his body relaxing. Now, he was more interested in finding out what was going on in her mind than ever. Heero knew that Relena wouldn't say something like that unless something was truly plaguing her. "Relena, I know that you didn't mean it. But," _here goes nothing_, "why won't you tell me what's wrong? Maybe you'll feel better talking about it."

Relena let out a bitter laugh, which worried Heero. "_You_ want to talk?" Through her tears she could see that Heero's face was deadly serious, and she was slightly taken aback by that. "Do...do you mean it?" When Relena saw that he was not saying no, _but he's not exactly saying yes,_ she let out a shaky sigh, and figured that at least she couldn't say anything _worse_ than she already had.

"So," Heero settled himself more comfortably on his knees. "How about we start with you telling me exactly why you're still so worked up over this."

She turned around to fully face Heero, absently wiping at the last few tears that still clung to her cheeks. A part of her wondered why he was acting so concerned; he had never really shown anything beyond indifference to her. _Still,_ Relena thought, _he seems sincere about talking with me. _Still a littleunsure, Relena offered Heero one more chance out. Taken aback yet again at his insistence on getting her to talk, she decided to phrase things as much as possible so that Heero would understand. "Heero," she began, "have...have you ever had someone become so much a part of your life that you'd be lost without them?"

Heero stared at her. She looked so lost and helpless, her eyes telling him a story not conveyed in her words. The mid-afternoon sunlight reflected off of her eyes, making her unshed tears sparkle. He fought back the sudden urge to hold her, to take the pain that she was obviously feeling away from her. He understood just then why she had told him that he wouldn't understand what she was going through. It was because he had never experienced what she was going through. Heero could only sigh and answer honestly. "No. I've never had someone be that close to me before."

Relena's shoulders slumped, and she hung her head down, out of Heero's intense gaze. "I didn't expect you to understand. It's just that..." her voice trailed off.

"'Just that' what?"

"Pagan was with me ever since I was born. He never treated me like a babysitting charge, or just a duty. He was with me for everything." Relena looked back up at Heero, feeling an intense, if surprisingly sudden, desire to make him understand. "All my life I've been surrounded by people who only saw two things: my social status and my father's bank account. Before the war, I'd never known anyone who tried to befriend me for anything beyond the surface. I did what I had to, smiling and acting the part that Father's job had laid out for me. But every day when I returned from school, every time that I would feel sad or angry at my life, Pagan was always there. As much as I loved my parents, their schedules kept them away a lot. But Pagan was always there for me. He was always with me. He helped to raise me. He was the last part of my past left." She looked up to see if Heero was understanding any of this. Even as she was speaking, Relena could hear the tone in her voice that she had had when she was younger, and wasn't getting her way. She feared that Heero had sensed this as well, and would admonish her for being so silly. But to her surprise, Heero did not look angry. He didn't even look entirely indifferent. His face was still his usual cool mask, but his Prussian blue eyes told her that he could see where she was coming from, even if he didn't understand it firsthand. Seeing this, Relena felt that she should continue. 

"I guess I always took him for granted, I thought that he'd always be here. I remember once, when I was about thirteen years old," Relena got a wistful smile on her face, "there was a boy that I really liked. We 'went out', as much as two thirteen year olds _can_ go out, two times. I thought that he really liked me, but one day I overheard him and some of his friends talking. The boy was saying that he had 'the little Darlian snob eating out of the palm of his hand', and that he was certain that he could get into some elite student club that I was a part of. Back to the social status thing again." Relena paused, and wiped at an annoying tear that found it's way out of her eye. She didn't bother to look at Heero to see his reaction to this. "I got home from school that night, and went right up to my room and cried. Father and Mother were away again, so only Pagan and I were at home. He came into my room, and asked me what was wrong. When I told him, he got this sad smile on his face, and pulled me up for a hug. He told me that it didn't matter what quote, 'addle-minded, simple fools' unquote, thought about me, because _he _would always care about me, no matter what. I think that that one moment was the most wonderful thing anybody ever said to me." Relena choked near the last sentence, and quickly turned away from Heero, staring at the grave again. "Oh, Pagan, I miss you..." 

Heero sat silently, unsure of what to do. Emotions had never been his strong suit. _She tried to warn me,_ he thought ruefully. _But still, she's crying again. I have to do something. _Before he had a chance to think about what he was doing, Heero found himself reaching over and pulling Relena into a loose embrace. _What am I doing? Why am I holding her?_

**_Because you've wanted to do this for three years._**

_Who said that?_

**_We did._**

_I've been hanging around Duo too long. I'm hearing voices._

**_Not voices. We're your heart and your emotions...YES, you have them. Now, are you gonna comfort her, or keep talking with us?_**

_..._

**_You're impossible. For a smart boy, we really wonder sometimes..._**

_...Wonder about what?_

**_Argh! Wonder how you've managed to suppress us for so long when you're around her. Don't think that you don't like holding her, talking with her, comforting her. Don't even think about telling us that you want to keep things the way they were!_**

_Why do you sound like Duo?_

**_Because. The boy's been trying to get you to act normal for so long that you transplanted his persona and voice into us. _**

_Oh._

**_Would you stop talking with us! She's looking at you funny._**

_...How long have you been here?_

**_All your life. But we weren't strong enough to come out of hiding until you met her. Now, go and comfort her! She's still crying, in-between giving you really odd looks. I promise, we'll have time to talk later._**

_All right._

**_GO!_**

While Heero was busy having his internal dialogue, Relena had time to get over the shock of his arms being around her. Although she was somewhat shocked at his actions, she didn't find them the least uncomfortable. She only wished that he wasn't doing it because he felt obligated to. _Oh well, might as well enjoy the sensation while it's here._ The thought that Heero would leave her as soon as they left the cemetery brought on a fresh set of tears. Ignoring them as best she could, Relena tilted her head back to look at Heero, to see if there was _any_ ulterior motive at all for his behavior. The blank look on his face wasn't she expected to find. She waited a moment, but Heero's expression didn't change. This got her worried. It almost looked like Heero was _talking_ to himself! A perplexed look crossed Relena's face. Heero wasn't crazy enough to talk to himself, was he?

Heero snapped back to reality. Looking down, he saw that Relena was in fact looking at him oddly._ Oops_, he thought. "Relena?" he asked, deciding to draw her attention away from whatever she was thinking about him.

"Yes?"

Heero turned her in his arms to face him. Again to his surprise, he lifted his hand and wiped away a few of the tears on her face. This elicited a gasp from her, a sound which Heero found himself liking. _This isn't the best time to suddenly realize that I like her._ He tilted her head up so that she was eye level with him. "Do you feel any better, now that it's not all pent up?"

Relena laughed in spite of herself. Noticing Heero's strange look, she stopped and looked at him. "I'm sorry. It's just so strange to hear _you_ get so concerned about keeping emotions inside, and to have you wanting to talk to me. And no, I don't really feel better."

Heero frowned. "You don't? I thought that talking is supposed to help with problems."

"Heero," Relena said gently, "people don't just get over something like this after having a fifteen minute conversation. This is why I didn't expect you to understand. Death means two different things to you and me."

His frown deepened. "Why do you keep saying that? I regret it when people die, and I feel remorseful for taking so many lives in the wars."

Relena shook her head. "I don't doubt that, Heero. But has death ever touched you personally? Besides Milliardo and Noin, no one really got to know Pagan. I'm the only one mourning his death."

"So you feel the need for an extended period of mourning to make up for the lack of people who are sad? Where's the logic in that?"

"See? This is exactly what I mean! I've been sad for so long because I _miss him_. He was like family to me. In fact, I knew him longer than I knew my own brother." Relena's voice turned pleading. "Heero, Pagan never had any family except for me. He never got married, he never had any children. He was alone in this world, except for me. And whenever I lost someone from _my_ life, he was still there. I considered him my grandfather. And he called me his granddaughter. That's a bond that's not so easily severed. It will take time for me to get over this. Please, understand this."

Heero nodded. "You were right. I _don't _understand what it's like for you." Relena turned her head away, and Heero took a deep breath, deciding to listen to his heart for once. _You'd better be right about this, though._ "I want to, though."

Relena's head shot up. "What?"

"I want to understand," he continued. "Relena, I...I don't like seeing you like this, and I want to help you. I want to understand what you're going through, and I want to be there for you." _Please, please..._

She was shocked. "Heero? You do?" 

Heero nodded.

For the first time that day, Relena smiled a genuine smile. "Thank you, Heero. Thank you. And...I want to help you understand, too."

Feeling bold from her words, Heero pulled her close and pressed a soft kiss on her forehead. He tightened his embrace around her, and the two of them stayed like that for a few moments, before Heero spoke again. "Um, are you feeling better now?"

Relena nodded and laughed, and fresh tears tumbled from her eyes.

Heero frowned again. "Why are you crying? I thought you..."

"I am. For the first time in a while, I _do _feel better. Still sad, but better." Returning Heero's previous gesture, Relena kissed his cheek softly. "Thank you," she whispered, hugging him tighter.

A smile slowly crept across Heero's features. So, this was what he had been missing. He stood, pulling Relena up with him. "We really should get you back. I promise to take you back here tomorrow."

Relena shook her head as she dusted her pantsuit off. "No. I...I should probably try to focus on other things for a little while. Pagan always tried to make me happy; I don't think that he'd want me to be so sad for so long."

Nodding, Heero glanced down, and shyly reached for Relena's hand. "Come on," he said softly, giving her a tiny smile, which she returned wholeheartedly.

They began to walk out of the cemetery, when Heero spoke again. "You know, Relena, I think that I lied to you before."

Relena looked up at him. "About what?"

"I think that I do have someone in my life that I'd be lost without."

Relena's smile grew even wider. She leaned over and hugged him. "Really?"

"Yeah."

They were silent a moment more, before Relena said something. "Heero, I think this was the most I've ever heard you talk."

He shrugged. "Get used to it."

Laughing, the newfound couple passed through the heavy iron gates, back to Heero's car. In the waning daylight, a shadowy figure seemed to stand over the recently vacated grave. Almost seeming as if to be a trick of the light, the figure watched them go. If a person looked hard enough, it would have seemed that there was a smile crossing the wrinkled features of the shadow.

_Yes, she'll be all right from now on._

As quickly as it had appeared, the figure vanished.

* * *

I DID IT!!!!!! My first fanfic is done! Long, but done. Well, let me know what you thought, so I know if I should keep writing. I have ideas for other stories, and I need positive feedback if I'm gonna write them (not that I'm fishing for compliments or anything...). Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! Jaa, minna!


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